no longer the same

Life is fragil...
Love is hard...
I'm not the same...
My head is heavy...
My chest is bleeding each day more and more...
I'm running out of options...
Maybe its better this way... i'm not supost to be happy...!!
i going to let it go!!

i want to be alone... there is no one who can understand... i can't do this anymore...
io can't.. i'm going to give up..!
please forgive me ... but i'm going to give up!
you left me alone... you left alone just like every one else...!
i can't do it anymore... i'm sorry i can't... i'm sick of suffering!


i'm sorry!!

silence 4 - angel song

This is me with another nervous breakdown

My pressure dropped, this body went with it

Memory fails, I'm feeling claustrophobic

I scream my silent pain in this big plain

There's no one here

Tell me who is there now

Who is there with you

I'm taking no calls unless it's her voice

I'm seeing no one unless it's herI open the mailbox every hour

Maybe I'll hit the postman

I want to hear some love words

But not in that dyslexic voice

No I won't tear apart for you

But I was given no choice

I guess I was trying to keep me alive

But once I was dead there's was nothing to do beside

Picking me up and lying me down

Waiting for some angel

To wake me and say to me:

"Hello. Don't be scared. I want you to know, you're not dead."

Kiss me, is this a dream?

Should I believe it?

Please promise to me that I'm not going to get hurt this time

Am I too good for you, am I just paranoid?

Should I get clinical or should I speak louder?

Maybe I should close my eyes for years

And wait for the strongest feeling

Out of all the feelings

To raise from youI guess

I was trying to keep me alive

But once I was dead there's was nothing to do beside

Picking me up and lying me down

Waiting for some angel

To wake me and say to me:"Hello. Don't be scared. I want you to know, you're not dead."

Kiss me, is this a dream?

Should I believe it?

Please promise to me that I'm not going to get hurt this time

Am I real? are you real? is this real?

What's real?Am I real? are you real? is this real?

Tell me, what's real?

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nothing else to say!

...

Morrer, só se morre só. O moribundo se isola numa redoma de vidro, ele e a sua agonia. Nada ajuda nem acompanha. (Rachel de Queiroz)


Se deixo errar meus pensamentos, não encontro ninguém. O melhor, afinal de contas é a morte. (Lou Andreas Salomé)

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maybe i should give up...
i think about it every day...
i can't...
:'(

Lamento... [hug me tight]

Lamento todos aqueles que tentaram chegar a mim e falharam...

lamento todas aquelas noites que passei a chorar e a castigar me por querer ser melhor...

lamento as vezes que precisaram de mim e eu nao fui suficiente...

lamento ter magoado quem magoei...

lamento nao conseguir ser aquilo que querem que eu seja...

lamento as pessoas que me abandonaram e que desistiram de mim..

lamento sentir este medo e esta agonia todos os dias ao acordar...

lamento ter o desejo continuo de querer desistir...

lamento nao conseguir viver mais ainda..

lamento sofrer tanto por tantas coisas...

lamento querer chorar cada vez mais...

lamento pensar que tudo e importante...

simplesmente Lamento...

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nao tenho mais tempo a perder...

nao sejas hipocrita... eu sei que podes confiar em mim... e quero que confies...

lembra te nao faças como os outros...

Não me Abandones...

[Hug me more... ]

freedom?

I say that i’m free...
But really my life has become a confusion with worms and big monkeys, floating in my dark, creative, stupid, and paranoid little mind...
I try to imagine my life without them, in a world where no one can touch me, nothing can mess me up... but then i look around and nothing is the way it’s supposed to be...
So am i really free?
I’m stuck between these words, in this body, trying to reach the top by being ME... probably this makes me a fake showing, something that i pretend that i have...
Maybe i think too much, maybe i try too hard... i don’t Know!! [?]
Here i am, using the “I” as many times as i can count, when the world out there is a mess...
But i´m just a person, of this world, and i can’t fix it alone...
So insignificant, so little, in the middle of nothing... but here i am...
HERE I AM.....

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most of the people don't know the real me...
maybe it's for the best....

the light...

Today i saw the light...
No i didn’t almost die, i just felt alive for once...
Not from doing something crazy, but from seeing what i have left to do in this world..
I’m so young; I’m going to do so much more...
I realised that: “I’m not ready to give up yet... they didn’t defeat after all ”
(It’s good, no wait it’s great, to go from where i was to this simple thought, [i've been so lost] ...)
I almost felt the bottom again, and then i woke up, in this bright morning...
And realised that I want to go to the beach one more time, i want to see the sunshine again, i want to go out with my friends, i want to find out who’s made for me...
I don’t know how many hours or a day this “weird, nostalgic fase” will last, tomorrow i can go depressed again, that’s why i made this note, to remind myself...
Today i saw the light!!
And i felt like i deserve to be accepted...
Could this be hOpe?? Or it’s just the pills i’ve been taking...?
I don’t know.. but today i don’t really care.. i was able to enjoy a simple song, able to enjoy the sun.. The stupid simple little things... these things can keep us alive..
I felt myself... just mE!!

(now to the bottom again...)
Like He said there is no perfect Balance...
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tantas coisas que me ocorreram a escrever isto.. mas so consegui canalizar estas ideias!

para o proximo mais.. ja aprendi muito!

Deolinda - Clandestino

A noite vinha fria
Negras sombras a rondavam
Era meia-noite
E o meu amor tardava

A nossa casa, a nossa vida
Foi de novo revirada
À meia-noite
O meu amor não estava

Ai, eu não sei aonde ele está
Se à nossa casa voltará
Foi esse o nosso compromisso

E acaso nos tocar o azar
O combinado é não esperar
Que o nosso amor é clandestino

Com o bebé, escondida,
Quis lá eu saber, esperei
Era meia-noite
E o meu amor tardava

E arranhada pelas silvas
Sei lá eu o que desejei:
Não voltar nunca...
Amantes, outra casa...

E quando ele por fim chegou
Trazia flores que apanhou
E um brinquedo pró menino

E quando a guarda apontou
Fui eu quem o abraçou
O nosso amor é clandestino.

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simplesmente Brilhante.. adoro!!

Nao perguntem porque!